yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
