I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
