I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
