What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
