okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
