My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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