Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
