Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
