you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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