No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
