I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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