apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
