My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
