You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
