hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
