I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
