Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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