People in love make me want to vomit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
