Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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