i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
