I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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