He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
