you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
