you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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