i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
