My sheets look like a crime scene.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
please come you make the beer taste better
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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