Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
