Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
