So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So much rum. So many feels.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
