I am spending my child support on dildos
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
