Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
