Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just had sex on a roof
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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