This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
