The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
