I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
