Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
