You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
