I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
