i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
