theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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