Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
