the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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