Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
