So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
