Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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