If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
