I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
