i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
