She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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