ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
