Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
