Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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